hey baby. once again i'm on my way back to cali from your house and let me tell you i'm already getting really tired of this. having to say see you in no less than 5 months is the hardest thing i've ever had to do and i'm ready for that to be over.
obviously i didn't get into uncg and its the worst news i've gotten in forever, maybe even ever in my life. i know that things will work out and eventually i'll be out there with you for good but it's so hard not knowing when that's gonna be. it's hard because now it's gonna be later instead of sooner and that kills me more than you'll ever know.
i promise i'm still gonna do what i can to be out there with you but to be honest right now it's looking like the best thing for me is to just graduate from state then move out when i'm done. i hate saying it and i hope it works out differently but i'm not so sure it will. i'm not trying to be a pessimist but that's just the way it's looking and i can't stand it.
i promised you that i wouldn't give up on you and i won't i just don't know how much longer i can go only seeing you for a few weeks at a time and having to leave you in north carolina. it's not fair to either of us to keep doing this. i'm sorry that i didn't get into uncg and that our plans to be together next fall aren't turning out the way they need to be. i know that God has a reason for everything and ya maybe its not the right timing but how can we be sure. what if i'm supposed to be out there but the admissions office wasn't doing what God wanted them to? i don't know what the reason for all of this is. like i said in one of my blogs, all i know anymore is that i love you and with you is where i want to be. there's no doubt of that in my mind at all.
it was so hard walking away from you tonight and knowing that i don't know when i'll get to see that handsome face in person again and when i'll be able to hug you, hold you, and kiss you again. it was so hard today because i knew it was the last time i'd be able to eat breakfast with you, kiss you, hold you, fall asleep and wake up in your arms for a while. i don't know when i'll be able to do those things again and that's what hurts me the most and what's the hardest.
but i loved every minute we had together baby even if it was just going to wal mart or driving down the street, i loved every minute of it. i loved being to sleep next to you ever night i was at your house. i loved waking up to you next to me every morning and being able to kiss you good morning or cuddle up against you and fall asleep again. i love that you got to spend time with my family and friends and that they got to get to know the amazing man that i fell in love with and i love that i got to spend more time with your family. the only thing that would have made this trip better would have been for you to have asked me to marry you :p i know that i'm a pain with this it's just hard for me and it will be until that day comes. just remember that i love you even if i'm mad :)
i can't wait until i can be in your arms again and until we can go more places together and spend more time with each other!
i know that these next few months are going to be soooooooooooooooo hard for both os us and i promise ill do my best to be as strong as i can. my plan is to just throw myself into school and work and getting closer to god and to you. i have a plan for getting closer to get but i'll probably tell you about it before you read this.
baby remember that i love you with all my heart and that will never change. i can't wait till we're together again!!!!!! you're the best thing that's happened to me and i wouldn't trade you for anything!! i love you with all my heart muah muah muah muah muah!!!!!!!!
i'm on my flight from houston and san diego now and it's still really hard being away from you. i haven't been able to sleep even though i'm exhausted. and honestly i don't know what easy it will be for me to sleep for a while anyway. i know it's pathetic but i got used to falling asleep in your arms or knowing that i could just roll over and you'd be right there next to me. it's gonna be hard knowing that when i wake up i won't be able to lean over and kiss you.
gosh baby i'm miserable with out you. i don't know how i'm gonna be bale to do this. i don't know how i'll be bale to make it through these next few months with out you and come out sane.
you're my best friend chris and i can't love with out you. i need to be near you. i need to be able to call you up and see you when i'm sad or upset. i need to be able to go places with you and i'm tired of not having those things.
i'm sorry i'm such a downer while i'm writing this it's just really hard. i know it's hard for you too and that you do a better job of being strong or at least showing that you're strong because i know you aren't always. i promise that i'm gonna try to not be such a downer for a long period of time but i can't promise its gonna work. i promise ill try to be strong but i can't promise i will be all the time.
it's just already so hard being away from you and it's only been a few hours. its only been a few hours since i've kissed you and hugged you but it's seems like its been forever already. gosh baby how am i gonna make it through this? i have no idea how, it's just so hard baby.
but one thing i want us to do more than anything is really dive into our relationship with God as a couple. i want to know that with each decision we make we will have Gods blessing because we are doing everything we can to glorify him and grow closer to him. we were doing so well with praying each night but that slowly started fading and so did our devotions with each other. i want to get back into both of those baby so badly. we need to make it a habit, obviously a good one.
well i'm gonna go again for now, maybe for good for this letter i'm not sure lol. but i love you with all my heart!!!!!!!!! muah muah muah!!!!!
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